Addictions

Habits are something we all have. There can be good and bad habits. There can be unhealthy and healthy habits. There can be those habits that we keep secret or habits we share with others. Regardless of whatever habit it may be, sometimes it has to change. Change is inevitable, but, as humans, we don’t like change. We tend to practice lifestyles that have routine and comfort. How are we supposed to have a healthier and more productive lifestyle if we don’t change our habits? How are we supposed to accomplish the things we want to accomplish out of life if things never change?

With this detox, I am taking charge of my life. I am taking the responsibility upon myself to know what my body needs to be healthy and strong. This blog entry will explain my habits and addictions. I will brainstorm some ideas to change my lifestyle because the life I am living now is not suitable for the future I have planned. I feel my mind and spirit are ready to fly, but my body is keeping me from doing it. I feel as if my body is hindering me. I have already taken it upon myself to get more exercise. I ride my bike nearly everyday and I travel 3-7 miles a day. It may not seem like a lot, but for me it is. I don’t want to over do it, nor do I want to under do it. I have to take it slow, but I am enjoying it. I think I’m addicted to it, as a matter of fact. I feel a sense of freedom when I’m on my bike. So, that is already in action. It is one lifestyle change I have done already, and things will continue to change as the following months come my way.

Other habits and addictions I have, however, are not so healthy. I’m a smoker. I started smoking cigarettes at the age of 12. My mom would buy my boyfriend and I cigarettes all the time. Even though my mother wasn’t a smoker, she still bought me smokes. At one point, I was smoking two packs a day. It was horrible. Eventually, I stopped smoking for a little over a year. When my aunt got sick, I was so stressed out I started smoking again. I didn’t have anything else to fall back on. It was my comfort. Smoking comforted me when I was sad and stressed out. I have been smoking ever since then and even though I’ve gone a few days here and there, I always went back to smoking. I hate it! I hate that I am addicted to something that is so unhealthy for me. I hate the smell, the taste and spending the money. I even watched my grandmother die of lung cancer from smoking so much, and I still smoke. That’s not cool! Part of this detox will focus around my smoking. I will quit cold turkey like I’ve always done. I have faith it will work this time because I finally realize that I have the opportunity to do something else when I am stressed out. I don’t have to buy a pack of smokes to be calm. I don’t have to smoke to be calm. What will I do? I’m not sure yet. My routines have to change, that’s for sure. My morning routine has been drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes for more than a year now and it needs to change. What am I going to replace it with? What lifestyle change will I learn? Do I need to not drink coffee for a while too? Yes! If I continued to drink coffee like I have been every morning, I will want a cigarette. They go hand in hand for me. That needs to change.

One idea I have is to simply stay in bed a little longer in the mornings. It takes me about an hour to fully wake up, and I don’t believe I need coffee for that process. Maybe I will do some yoga, yard work, or even meditate. I can start my morning routine with exercise, nature and mindfulness. I think what I’m going to do is make a book of affirmations that I read every morning. As soon as I wake up and I can see clearly, I will pick up the book and read a passage that will remind me of what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. Yeah! I like that! (I seriously just came up with that idea right now =) I am in control of my own life and it is my responsibility to make my body healthy.

Comfort food is another addiction I have to change. When depression or stress gets the best of me, I turn to junk food – like many people do. I will eat so much garbage that it makes me sick. I remember, back in high school, I was so depressed that I ate an entire bowl of brownie mix. Yeah, I didn’t even bake the brownies because I sat there and ate the entire bowl of mix. I was sick afterwards. Now, however, I won’t eat brownie or cake mix at all. Even the taste of it makes me ill. But, that doesn’t mean I don’t eat other junk food. Nutter Butters, cookies, cooked brownies, ice cream and whatever else I can get my hands on at the time is what I eat when I’m depressed or stressed out. Like smoking, it brings me comfort. What am I going to replace that with? I think this is going to be most difficult for me. Like my coffee and cigarettes routine in the morning, my evening routine is junk food. It may not be every single night, but at least 5 days a week I will eat junk food in the middle of the night before I go to sleep. There’s been a few times where I kept junk food on my bedside table so it was there when I craved it. That’s ridiculous! I can’t do that anymore! I won’t do that anymore! But I still don’t know what I’m going to replace it with. What habits can I learn for my evening routines? Maybe I should ask myself why I eat junk food in the evenings. I wasn’t denied junk food when I was kid. Hey, maybe that’s why! Junk food was always in the house when I was growing up. My mom always had a drawer of it. We would make cake, brownies or cookies at least 3 or 4 times a week. We always had Rolo’s. The fact I still eat junk food could simply be childhood teachings. I’m an adult now and I am the one who buys my food. I don’t have to continue buying garbage that’s unhealthy for my body.

Let me make a clarification here. I’m not saying I will never eat junk food again. What I’m saying is that I will not binge. I believe I have an eating disorder. I don’t purge, but I do binge. I will eat large meals, stuff my face with junk food – all in secrecy. When I go out with friends or something, I won’t eat a lot. I’ll get a chicken sandwich or something simple. But when I’m alone, I’ll eat like crazy. This is the first time I’ve admitted this too. It’s the secret binges I need to change. If there’s a birthday party or something, I’m not going to pass up a slice of cake to celebrate with people. If I’m at a party, I’ll have some snacks. What I need to do, however, if change my intake when I’m alone. I always tell myself, “Nobody’s here, so nobody can judge me.” But that doesn’t justify it at all. I know that, logically. Sometimes it seems my body will be out of bed, walking down the hallway, opening a package of Nutter Butters and eating them before my mind says, “stop eating that!” What I need to do is change my thoughts. I need to empower my mind and take control of my body. Mind over matter, right? If I am mindful, I can succeed. NO NO!! Not if! I will be mindful and I will succeed!

The juice fast and detox I’m doing is very strict. Even though I will switch it up a bit and eat solids, I will not be eating anything that isn’t part of my goal plan. Fruits, veggies (both raw and cooked), and fish are the only things I will be eating. I will also be eating peanuts (raw and peanut butter). That’s it! Most likely, I will get vitamins too because I know it’s important for me to have them. With my food intake now, I’m not getting the right nutrition’s, I know this. It’s time that it changes. If I want to live the life I want to live when I’m in my 50s, I have to change my lifestyle now. A few years ago, I decided to completely cut out sodas, and I have. Sometimes I will get a Pepsi in a glass jar (because it is made with real sugar, not corn syrup), but I don’t drink soda anymore. I don’t know if I’ve benefited from it, but I do know I will benefit from it in the long run. I won’t get diabetes. It blows my mind when people say, “I’m a diabetic” but will drink an entire 2-liter of soda. Well! DUH! No wonder why you have diabetes! You’re drinking it. I’m not judging at all. All I’m saying is that I’m aware what causes diabetes. Our food and liquid intake is what causes it. So if we don’t want to be sick with diabetes, change the intake of food. Instead of taking pills, change the food intake. That’s what I’m doing now!

I have addictions and bad habits that need to change. I am the only one who can change it. I have to change my mind. I have to change my lifestyle. I have to change the way I practice morning and evening routines. I need to learn an entire new lifestyle. I don’t agree that I’m going on a diet because diets are usually short term. What I’m doing is life changing. It’s a lifestyle choice. It’s my lifestyle choice. It may not be for everybody and my way of doing it isn’t beneficial for others, I know that. I will never tell someone that they’re living life wrong. What I will do, however, is encourage people to live a healthy life. The only way we can live healthy lives is by taking control of our lives. We have to stay mindful of our surroundings, our food intake, and even where our food comes from. We have to understand what the body needs to be healthy. Every one of us is different and we need different things to be healthy. Yes, we all need certain nutritional foods, but some people are allergic to certain foods. Some people can’t eat fish. Some are allergic to peanuts. Those people need to find other ways to get the nutrition they need.

To the reader, yes you! Take a moment to reflect on your food and liquid intake. Are you like me and have addictions that may not be the healthiest thing to eat or drink? Do you have the same thoughts of “why am I eating this” as I do? What can you do to live a healthier life? What can you do to change your lifestyle? Is there one specific food you feel you can’t live without? What would happen if you stopped eating that food? I’ve asked myself all of these questions and it’s difficult to really answer them, isn’t it?! It’s not a simple thing to do, that’s for sure. But seriously, we have to start taking control of our lives. We have to stop depending on large corporations that produce genetically modified foods. We have to start buying local and supporting the farmer markets. It may be more expensive to buy the healthier foods, but in the end, it will be cheaper because we won’t be paying for hospital visits and medication to mask the internal damage we’re doing to our bodies. Honestly, I feel I am going through this process to teach others that it is possible and it’s a beautiful experience. Yes, I have no doubt it is going to be a pain in the ass (literally and figurative), but nonetheless, I am going to be a different person when I’m finished. Come to think about it, I’ll never really be finished. Like I’ve said, this is going to be a lifestyle change. Whatever I establish within the next few months is going to stick with me throughout the rest of my life. I will reap the benefits of this lifestyle change 10 years down the road … Shit, maybe 3 years down the road I’ll feel the difference. I have faith that you can do it too. It will be hard and it will take a lot of courage and motivation to accomplish your goals, but you can do it! Start small.

People all over the world are taking it upon themselves to live healthier lives. It’s time we start sharing our experiences too because the younger generations need to know what we went through so they don’t make the same mistakes. There is so much information at our fingertips and it’s our responsibility to learn what we need to learn to live healthy and happy lives. Learn it. Live it. Love it. Teach it. Be it! *Blessings*

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4 thoughts on “Addictions

  1. Jamie says:

    Well, I’m very surprised at your confessions. When I was in high school, I was depressed and did the same thing. I’d binge eat junk, but out with friends I’d have a salad. I’d eat chips, dips, candy, pretty much anything around. When I hit senior year, a few things happened, my grandfather got lung cancer, I stopped having PE, and I got a car. I started smoking to deal with the stress of my grandfather dying of lung cancer. Then, as you know, right after graduation my brother died. I just kicked all those habits into high gear, jack in the box for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Bake at home entire pizzas for a midnight “snack”. I was over 215 pounds, which may not seem like much, but I had weighed 140 on a heavy day just a year and a half before in 2003. My grandma finally confronted me, in the beginning of 2005, all she talked about was all the fun stuff she loved to do with her children and grandchildren and oh how she hoped I’d experience it. That was it, I stopped smoking, the way you plan to do it (and hopefully still are) is the only realistic way. I also don’t go down those aisles anymore for food I don’t need. If I don’t go down them, I don’t know they are there. Also, I think you have the most important part down, this is not a diet… Its a forever lifestyle change. I write this to you to let you know you are not alone, don’t be discouraged. There will be set backs, if you have a day where you do something you shouldn’t, its just a day. You may feel like a failure in that moment, but you are not. Learn from those experiences when you have that binge, analyze why you did. Also, perhaps some professional therapy may help, they can ask you questions that will help you analyze yourself. Good luck and I’m rooting for you everyday!

    • Thank you so much! I had no idea you were a smoker. Did I know that and just forgot? Wow! Hmmm! Well, thank you for sharing that! I really appreciate it. I think the smoking is going to be no problem, now that its been four days I haven’t thought about one until reading this comment. And, just thinking about picking one up disgusts me. Now, I say that, but when I’m around it, it might be a different story. Hopefully I have the strength not to pick that habit up again.

      I’ve done real good about the binge eating too, but that could be because I don’t have much food in the house. Lol! But honestly, I’m not really that hungry anymore. I have to find a new way to shop. I think instead of doing major shopping twice a month, I will do small shopping once a week. I think that will solve a lot of my food problems, really.

      I have been keeping notes to share with my counselor the next time I see her. I wish she was available throughout the summer, but she won’t be back until school starts again. She’s going to get an ear full. Lol

      Thanks so much for your comment, Jamie!

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