Quick Update – irritated

So, here I am, day 4 of my cleanse, day 7 of Cohosh and day 3 of not smoking. I’m cranky. I’m crampy. I’m sore. I’m tired. I had all these plans to do some writing, reading and preparing for the coming year, but I just can’t seem to keep my eyes open long enough when I’m reading or writing. Even being on the ipad, playing games or Facebooking, isn’t keeping my interest. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m tired and I just need to rest a few more days or what. But all I want to do is crawl up in bed, put a movie on, and lay there.

The cramps, I’m sure, are from the Cohosh. My nipples are tender and I could feel mini spasms in my abdomen. I’m not spotting at all, but the side effects of the Cohosh seem to be taking their path. I hope I bleed soon. I really don’t want to go on birth control. I don’t want to pump my body with hormones or anything either. We’ll see what happens in the next couple of days. The articles I’ve read said Cohosh could start working anywhere between 3 days to 3 weeks. It’s only been a week … so we’ll see what happens. 

The 48-hour Dr. Oz Cleanse was, how can I put this, strange. Yeah, strange is a good way to describe it. The only dish I really enjoyed was the cabbage soup. I still have two more helpings that I will probably finish off today. I realized I don’t like ginger root, at all! Quinoa was unpleasant. The smoothie was good, but next time I have to blend it longer because the seeds from the blueberries were difficult for me to swallow. I have a texture thing. It’s hard for me to swallow certain textures. Juicing is one of those textures that’s hard for me to swallow. This morning I juiced carrots, green beans and a cucumber. I drank them separately and I did not like any of them. At first, I thought the carrot juice was good, but it was a texture thing that made me gag. I mixed all three and tried that too. YUCK! YUCK! YUCK! I just couldn’t get past the texture and somewhat sour taste from the green beans. I’m not sure how juicing is going to be for me. I have a few more ideas, but we’ll see what happens. According to the articles I’ve read about the Dr. Oz cleanse/detoxing, I should be using the restroom a lot. Well, I haven’t. I don’t know why that is, but I’m not defecating as much as they said I would be. But it’s still early, that might change …

I have seriously been home, by myself, for the last week. I’ve had a couple of visitors, but they didn’t stay long. I’ve watched many movies and took many naps. Because of the cramps, I feel better when I’m laying down. Sitting up puts pressure on my abdomen and it bugs me. I really hope this phase passes soon because I feel there are so many things I should be doing. Then again, I’m on vacation. This rest is well needed, I think, before the start of fall term. Powwow is this weekend and I usually camp there with my friend’s family for a week. I don’t think it’s happening this year though. It saddens me, but it is what it is. I hope I find a way out there, at least for a day, so I can dance. If I’m bleeding, I won’t go. I think that’s the only way I’ll stay home. I don’t think I want to camp this year because I’m cranky. It’ll be difficult for me to be around a lot of people without getting pissed off or pissing someone off. I’m still craving a cigarette. Camping with 5 children will not make that process any easier. So, we’ll see what happens.

So yes! I’m cranky. I’m crampy. I’m irritated. I’m tired. I’m concerned my fruits and veggies will go bad before I can eat them all. I’m scared the Cohosh isn’t going to work and I’ll have to go on birth control. But, I think all of this is part of the process, right? It hasn’t even been one full week for everything. It’s still early. Things will get better, of course. I feel I should just sleep away the first week then I’ll be able to get up and move around. My body is still going through withdrawals over cigarettes. I could feel it. I’m just thinking about it and I could feel my heart rate go up. I could feel the anxiety start to form. I want a cigarette. But I cannot have one. I deserve better than that. I have to mindfully tell myself that I deserve better. It sucks!

On that note, I’m going to go warm up some cabbage soup, shut the front door and lay on the couch and watch a movie. I can’t hardly keep my eyes open right now.

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