This is my truth

This is my truth …
I see the blood
I hear the screams
I feel the pain
I smell the fires
I can even touch the fear 

This is my truth
I am the blood
I am the screams
I am the pain
I am the fires
I am the fear

This is my truth
I choose to bleed
I choose to scream
I choose to feel pain
I choose to start fires
I choose to fight against fear

This is my truth
I encourage the fight against bloodshed
I encourage the use of a microphone to strengthen the voices
I encourage the lessons learned from overcoming the pain
I encourage the willingness of change and fluidity to put out the flames
I encourage the people to stand up, raise their fists, and demand their freedom

This is my truth
What’s your truth?!
Can we work together?!
What can we learn from each other?!

Have you seen death?
Was your voice ever silenced?
Is your pain over?
How hot is your flame?
Are you ready to work?

Let’s start by sharing another story …


There’s a change … Ready for it?!

That’s right! Shit ’bout to change round here! I have spent the last 7 months reflecting on my life. There is so much history posted on this blog that I wonder how long it’ll be in the virtual world. Forever? Sweet! Maybe my memoir, that I’m writing now, will add to the accomplishments I’ve made. That’ll be cool!

But really … what am I going to do now, you ask? Well, first of all, I’m not too interested in reflecting on my life anymore. I’m so done! I honestly believe I’ve dug deep enough that I can’t dig any deeper. Hitting rock bottom really is when things get clear. And, I’ve hit rock bottom a few times. I have no doubt it’ll happen again. That’s fine! I’ll be ready for it this time.

After my detox and my trip to Haiti, I totally realized that I’m fucking awesome. I mean, I got shit about me that people find annoying, but whatever. Even those annoyances are awesome. LOL! Nah, but really! I have a gift. My perspective is unique. The fact that I don’t retain the information after I’ve said it really is something I am grateful for. There is already so much chatter, I wouldn’t want to remember the details of everything I say and do. Because, honestly, I say and do way too much to remember it all. I’m done trying to remember. So, I’m done reflecting. I’m happy with the depth to which I dug and I’m ready to expand.

The expansion will be a work in progress. Right now I am full of so much compassion and love I cannot contain myself. I’m starting to get a bit sad, these days, but I know exactly why it is and I am reminding myself that the Universe is listening. The turn around has been quick. So, even in my sadness, I am finding that I am still hopeful. I am still in love. My desires have heightened and I am ready to experience them on any and all levels I can.

There are quite a few people who are receiving direct messages. I am expressing and expanding myself in many directions. I’m ready to make one of those focal points, this blog. My writing style has changed a bit too. So, that will be an interesting progression to see.

So, here we go! This is the beginning! I’m ready … are you?! I sure hope so. This journey would be boring without you.

Passion to Empowerment: The Struggle of Balancing Scales

Being passionate usually has a negative connotation to it. When people are passionate, people tend to be overbearing, forceful, and even rude. Passion is a tricky emotion, indeed. If one doesn’t take the time to really understand where the passion is coming from and focus on how to direct that passion, one can get in trouble. I am on the verge of getting myself in trouble; I can see my patterns repeating themselves. I am trying hard to find a balance. It’s great that I have the strength of the scales driving my passion right now.

This newfound passion has given me the self-power to become a better version of myself. I am not upping my game for someone or something; I’m upping my game because I deserve it. I’m doing new things and I’m expressing myself differently because I believe I am capable of having this passion and making the best of it. It doesn’t have to control me or ruin my life. It doesn’t have to get in the way of anything. I am a Leo. I’m a strong passionate woman with the strength of a lion guiding me throughout my life. Sometimes the passionate drive that I have can and will get in the way of life. That’s my pattern.

On many occasions, throughout most of my 20s, I made very poor decisions based on my passion. As soon as I felt passionate about someone, I would automatically want to have sex with them. I would wear things that showed off my “assets.” When people gave me any kind of attention, I would jump on it – literally sometimes. I turned my passion for life into a sexual passion. It was all I knew. It was the only way I figured out how to manage my passion. I got into trouble; I got into a lot of trouble. It’s changed though.

Circumstances I cannot share details about have transformed my decision-making. Yes, I am still passionate. Yes, I am still sexual. Yes, I still desire the touch of a strong man. However, I’m enjoying the rewards of not acting the same way I did before. I am enjoying the empowerment. I love the way it makes me feel. The boundaries I have set for myself have made me feel sexier then ever before. Even though I want to get sensual with someone and share passionate moments with people, it’s going to take a lot for me to allow someone to touch my body again. I need to be mindfully stimulated. I need a mindgasm.

I share this story with my readers because I think, like my rant on ego, we need to reevaluate how we feel about our passion. We shouldn’t deny our passion. We shouldn’t ignore it either. There’s no reason why we should be scared of our passion for people. What’s most important is having the cognitive ability to distinguish passion from lust. It’s important to understand the intentions of ones passion. We need to realize that being passionate is fine, as long as we keep a clear and level mind. I know, for sure, that I will not repeat a lot of my habits from before. Yes, I do see myself doing small things that I used to do; and I will work on stopping them. But, I am not acting upon my sexual desires. That’s huge for me. Real huge!

What I’m struggling with now is finding a balance between my passion and over sharing with people. Not everybody needs to know all my passionate details. People don’t need to know my deepest desires. All that y’all need to know is that I’m feeling passionate about life. I’m feeling passionate about people. My desire to be intimate with someone is beyond sexual intimacy. My body is my temple.

Try being passionate sometimes; it’s fun! My passion is my driving force, really. It’s what brings me to the point of transformation. I’m on the brink of another breakthrough when it comes to my desire to be a mother, lover and partner. I am having another aha moment. Soon, I will have a “come to Jesus” moment, too. I will find an overwhelming lesson in this passionate process I am experiencing right now.

The fact that I spent the last full moon of the 2013 calendar year in Haiti with unexpected (but much appreciated) company shows me that I’ve received closure on many things from my past – including the choices I made based on my passion. The fact that New Years day marks a New Moon and January 2014 has two power moons tells me that there’s a significant, powerful beginning under way. I’ve tapped into the enlightenment and I will continue to ride his roller coaster of passion, love, and change.

What will you do this coming year? People set new years resolutions all the time; but what if we just promised each other that we’ll be kind to each other? What would happen if we promised ourselves to be kind to ourselves? What would happen if we found passion in unexpected places? How would we change ourselves if we encouraged and participated in passionate conversations?

I cannot pretend to understand your story and I do not come from a place of judgment. All I know is that when passion strikes me, I am encouraged to see beauty within every moment. If you’re unfamiliar with the feeling of passion, that’s okay! But, honestly, I doubt it! If you’re a sentient being, you’ve experienced passion. What’s important, like I said, is to focus that passion on things that will benefit the sub-world you live in. I’m taking my passion and building strong connections with people, everywhere I go. I hope to express my passion and love for life. It’s not sexual anymore and I cannot tell you how empowering that makes me feel.

I pray you will one day find the same empowerment