My Dreams and Desires come with High Expectations of Myself

It’s been a confusing adventure since graduating with my bachelors degree in June 2014. I’ve been homeless for over a year now. Yes, I had places to stay, and I was not on the streets for long. I did have support. I did have people who took me in. Honestly, I believe that while I was on this homeless adventure, I cashed in on karma points I racked up over the four years I lived in Oregon. I helped many people with no expectation or desire to be paid back for any of it. I helped people because they needed it and in turn, people helped me when I needed it. The thing is, however, I find myself upset about recent activities in my life. I find myself feeling as if someone owes me something, but I also know that isn’t true. I find myself with much hostility and a little give a damn. I find myself working through another cycle of PTSD because I trusted the wrong people once again, and I’m back on my homeless adventure.

I’m focusing my energy on what I need to accomplish now. I can’t have the sorrows of others becoming my own sorrows again. I was almost stuck in a situation that would have been very difficult to live with. I was uncomfortable, which encouraged me to focus on change; I was manifesting change, but I wasn’t expecting it to happen so quick. In the last year, it seems that as soon as I trusted my environment and found some comfort, I had to pack up quickly and move on to another place. Realizing all the quick changes, I kept telling myself that things happen for a reason, and I will continue to make my choices based on intuition. My intuitive nature has gotten me out of many potentially bad experiences. Yes, it has a lot to do with my choices toward the negative energy I have encountered, and maybe a part of me regrets reacting the way I did. Then again, when I look at it from all angles, I think that where I am and where I’m heading is exactly where I need to be.

Am I following my heart? Absolutely!

To me, going full circle means recognizing the past and present as a combined force that creates the future. As soon as I land my feet back in the Bay Area, I will consider my life to have taken a full circle. Okay, of course, things can always change and nobody really knows what the future holds. Nonetheless, I know that where I’m heading next is because I have visited and accepted my past. I started writing my memoirs during my senior year, and the PTSD and healing that came from that has strengthened my mind, body, and soul. Now, it’s time for me to focus on what I need to do to succeed for my future. All that matters right now is my future, which is not planned, but it is fated with passion and desire. It’s amazing to think that the book I wrote my senior year is the same book that got me back in contact with my man. I have a lot of research to do. I have plenty of things to find out. With all that I need to do, I have high expectations of myself, and I have faith that I will accomplish my dreams.

My dreams are big, my desires are strong, and my passion is empowering. The trauma I’ve experienced in my past is nothing more than pieces of the puzzle. Visiting my past has encouraged me to write my memoirs, which will be published soon. Accepting my past gave me strength to reach out to an old friend and lover. That old friend and lover is now the man I have chosen to plan my future with. He’s the memory from my past that takes up the majority of my book. He is my best friend, my partner, and my rock. As I said, my future is not planned, but with him by my side, it will be lived with much laughter, trust, and honor. Combining my past with my present has been a journey I will never forget; it’s in hundreds of hand-written letters. I have found love. I have found forgiveness. I have found me. What I will do with all of it is unsure, but becoming an author has been a long time dream. So, my standards are set for my success and with that success will come many more conversations about my passion for life and the importance of happiness.

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The Moment Fear Turns to Courage

“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence
by each experience in which we really
stop to look fear in the face…
we must do that which
we think we cannot.”
~Eleanor Roosevelt

One must first be scared or anxious before they are courageous. In all things I have tried to succeed at, I have been slightly terrified the entire time. The more I followed that dream I set forth, the anxiety faded, of course, but I was still nervous about whatever it was I was trying to accomplish. It started with my path of college in 2008 when I enrolled at LMC to study journalism. The entire two years I spent there was full of so much anxiety and learning self-love. I was living in my hometown, constantly looking over my shoulder and hoping I would never cross paths with an old client; and I didn’t. I submerged myself into college, and I lived each day with as much focus toward a new life. In doing so, I turned my back on the person I truly am. It’s all good though, I’ve reintroduced myself to myself again.

I believe I had to hide that warehouse worker and prostitute into a corner so I could spend more time on school and getting to know myself on a different level. When attending the university system, nobody knew about my past. Nobody knew anything about me. I hardly shared anything about my past, and it didn’t seem that anyone was interested; which, I’m grateful for. I don’t know if I would have admitted the prostitution. I’m sure I would have lied about a lot if someone wanted to know what life was like for me at the warehouse. I didn’t want anyone knowing I was a mistress to many men. I didn’t even want to admit it to myself. I hid from that woman. Really, I was more like a girl on many levels then.

Not only have I written my memoirs about that time at the warehouse, I’ve sent it to the publisher already. I’m scared. I’m scared my clients or even family will read it. I’m scared it’ll be published, printed, and sold in many book stores. I’m scared of that success. But, it’s the same feeling toward my goals of accomplishing seven years of college. My college experience gave me the skills to write my book, so it’s all synced together. The four years I spent at WOU brought so much enlightenment. Owning a home, connecting with my ancestors, and traveling to Haiti changed the way I saw life; it made me want to share my story. It made me grow. It made me want to change; so I did.

I identified with that warehouse harlot I spent so much time running away from. Not only did I recognize her, I validated her and have fallen in love with her. I’m a worker. My body, mind, and soul are made to work. I cannot be a paper pusher. I cannot be someone stuck behind a desk and a computer. Who and what I am meant to be is all wrapped up in hip-hop music, blue-collar work, and sexual passions. Yes, the time spent in the college system taught me that I am a leader. I have a gift. It’s a gift I will not go into detail about now because it’s off topic, but the time spent in college taught me how to be a leader. But, the college industry is not where I belong. The corporate world is not where I belong. So, after graduation (almost a year ago), I had to find another path.

After losing my home in Oregon, I hit the road and found Colorado as my new stomping grounds. I’ve been here for six months and I’m doing something that terrifies me once again. Like I said, once I start something new I have an anxiety over it. I have this feeling that I’m not good enough. I don’t think I will fail, because I know I’ll succeed – lol – I have that faith in myself that I’ll kick ass at this new position (details in a minute). My lack of confidence is what drives me to do the best job that I can. Yes, I’m hard on myself. Yes, I have negative self-talk. Yes, I tell myself “You suck at life, Jo.” But, it doesn’t keep me down. It doesn’t keep me from accomplishing what it is I’ve set forth. That negative talk is what motivates me. I tell myself, after I tell myself that I suck, that I do not suck! Yes, I converse with myself about this all the time. Not only am I my worst critic, I am my best motivational speaker. I have learned that I need validation from the people who are teaching me new skills. That’s a childhood thing, I think. The lack of confidence I have in myself is from childhood trauma. I’ve had to learn how to motivate myself. I’ve had to learn to be my best motivational speaker because nobody ever gave me credit or validated me for anything I did; well, except for all the great blow jobs I gave. I was recognized for that, which is why I continued to do it. To be honest, it was the only thing I felt I was good at during that time in my life because it was the only thing I was recognized for. Now, however, I believe I am good at many more things.

This is where my new path comes in. I’m learning to be a truck driver. I have driven the truck a few times and I’m doing a good job. I get frustrated because I feel I should already get it. But damn! For someone who’s never driven a stick before, I’m doing alright. There are things I need to learn, of course. There are things I’m still having a hard time with, but I’m doing it. Yeah, I’m scared. Yeah, I’m anxious. Yeah, the nerves are tight when I’m driving. But, I’m doing it. That anxiety it keeping me going. When I hit a cone for the first time in the yard, I jumped out of the truck and said, “Damn it Jo! You suck.” Then, I laughed at myself, kicked the cone, and said, “Nah, you got this Jo! You’re doing fine.” And really, I did great. I am doing well. I’ve only killed the truck once. I’m learning how to downshift, which is the hardest damn thing I’ve ever tried to do. Or is it? I mean really. It seems like the hardest thing because it’s all new, and I have no knowledge of what I’m doing except the three times I’ve been behind the wheel. So yeah, it’s hard. But I got this!

I’m learning a new skill that will allow me to travel the country. I’m going to see so many new places and meet so many new people. Because I have identified with the warehouse harlot as well as the college leader, I’m going to kick so much ass on the road. Yeah, I ran away from that girl I was 10+ years ago, but after reconnecting with her and loving her for who she really is, I’m so grateful for all the experiences I had during that time; even the nasty hard experiences. They’re there, and I’m going to own that shit and continue to share my story with others. People have told me that I’m courageous for sharing my story and doing the truck driving thing. Is it courage? I mean, yeah one needs to be scared and anxious before they can be considered courageous, so I guess so, because damn y’all I’m terrified about what’s next. But regardless, I’m doing it, and I’m so fuckin’ excited I can’t hardly contain myself these days.

So look y’all, I share this blog with you because if you read it I hope you’ll be motivated on some level to accomplish something that you’re afraid of. Do you have a dream you’ve been dreaming? Take a step toward that dream no matter how scary it may seem. Use that fear, anxiety, and terror and focus it toward accomplishing something in your life. We are seeing dark days in our world. There is constant war, death, and open hatred toward others. But when we really identify with ourselves and love ourselves for all that we are, we can shine our lights and over power that darkness. It’s time for us to rise. It’s time for us to recognize our light within ourselves and shine bright. There are millions of us out there who are shinning already and I encourage all of you to shine, too. Please. We need you.

It’s time for … a quickie, of course

Sexual passions

Do you know it? Do you know that release of pure enjoyment and ecstasy? I only ask because that’s what I thrive on – well, that’s what I used to thrive on, at least.

For many years I focused on that passionate release, and now it’s taken me to a road of writing and encouragement. I always said, “I’ll never move back to the Bay Area,” And here I am planning my life to further my dream of living there again. Nothing is concrete, but I cannot explain to you how my memoirs have pushed me through into an entirely different – but oh so perfect – direction in life.

After graduation, I was pissed off with everything because the system is so corrupt. I didn’t want to be part of it. I still don’t. I’m talkin’ rEVOLution. I’m talkin’ commUNITY. I’m talkin’ pure light and love, y’all. Unconditional love, compassion, and the ability to talk through our struggles. I’m talkin’ prison outreach. I’m talkin’ motivational speaking. I’m talkin’ youth mentorship. I’m talkin’ LIVING THE DREAM!!! We all have a dream, right? I’m now working on accomplishing the goals and dreams I have set forth. And, by the looks of things, there’s a kingdom waiting for Us…

Dream big, please!

Take a step forward, please.

Forget about the fear, please!

I promise you … moving forward to accomplish a dream is the best thing in the world. I encourage all of you to start living your dreams because it’s about time we start living in a place of light and love … Many blessings, y’all!

More will come, of course. I just wanted to let y’all know that I haven’t gone anywhere. My book is in it’s last stages of edit and this Bay Area Harlot will tell her freaky tale … Much love!

A Year of Change

I have lost many friends and experienced many broken bonds in just the last year alone. I’ve been told that if those bonds were broken they were never real in the first place. They were all real at one point. People grow apart. People change and sometimes we can’t figure out how to continue connecting when sparks are flying. It becomes two negative charges trying to connect; it just doesn’t work. Things happen within our lives and we perceive things differently. We make choices based off a multitude of reasons, and sometimes people make mistakes. Bonds break. Once powerful knots are untied or severed. It happens, right? True friendship existed at one point. Unconditional love was present throughout the time spent together.

Things must change …

The summer 2013 was when I did my detox; it was extremely painful; I was alone throughout the beginning. I wasn’t supposed to be though; I felt the first sting of betrayal during this time. Support was not there, at first. Eventually, I reached out to a lifer. She listened as I cried, and she helped me make sense of the craziness of my hormones and thoughts. Looking back to those days, I see how it’s shaped me into who I am today. Things said by those who loved me at one point and experiencing the recovery of a 15-year-old death changed me. I am the one who changed. When another, unexpected person showed concern about my health and well being, it changed me even more. Again, a year later, I see how the voice of that individual helped create the person I am today. That particular voice has become the driving force of my future ambitions.

I must change …

Detaching from the old and forgiving the sorrows of my previous choices, I found myself free from the dark shadows of my damaged soul. I was no longer held down by my past. I did not allow myself to live in my past any longer. Instead, it was a part of me – I allowed the sorrow to become a part of my newly found love for myself. As I shed and released the collection of my past, I became a different person. My thoughts were different. My spiritual practice was different. My ambitions changed. My focus was on myself, finally. I talked to my ancestors, and they spoke to me. I connected to a higher realm. Experiencing that cleanse with the two supportive and surprising voices helped me connect to my higher self. It’s difficult to see all this, a year later, because one of those gentle voices has also become one that has left me.

Lives must change …

The winter 2013 was when I went to Haiti. This trip, nearly a year later, has changed me even more than any experience I ever had. It’s tied to my detox in many ways. The moon rituals I started during my cleanse traveled with me to Haiti. I spent the last full moon of 2013 on the beach of Haiti. My ancestors were with me. I was visited by previous connections to past realms. Further, that strong, now missing voice kept me grounded as well as brought me home many nights. I experienced a transcendence that to this day has yet to make sense to me. It is because of these things that have brought me to where I am today. My vision has changed. The social goggles that I was raised with have been broken and replaced by a pair of contacts. I no longer have my boxed frames getting in the way of the eternal vision. It’s because of my trip to Haiti and the combination of my past and present that has me making great strides to accomplish the future I see for myself.

Action must change …

I have heard a definition of insanity as doing something the same way and expecting different results. The spring of 2014 has now become the striving force of my insanity. Better yet, it’s become the biggest mistake of my past addictions and bad choices. I made many mistakes. The outcome has become the reason I no longer trust my instincts, intuition, and empathy. This particular situation has become the largest void of my internal being. Not even my ancestors or the full moon can help me heal from this one. It simply just is a part of me now. As I travel further and pursue my dreams, all of the things that have helped me be the person I am today will be a part of me.

To change is to grow …

Summer 2014 is just about over. The trees have been kissed lightly by fall. I see the change in seasons. I am guided by those changes. I follow the moon cycle. I hear the call of the birds and the screaming of our Mother’s voice. One year has passed since the ending of my detox. I started this blog for the reason of my detox. Because of the changing force of my passion and vision, I went back and forth about changing the reason of this blog. I don’t think I can change it. These writings are for me to express the struggle of a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), an empathic woman, and someone who has many important things to say. It started with my detox. It transcended from that to an ancestral connection, traveling spirits, and eventually falling deeply in love.

Change is hard …

It’s been a seven year cycle of me being a student. This is the first fall term in seven years that I am not scheduling my next term. I graduated. Now what? It’s been a traveling vacation and unknown destinations so far. Right now, I am in Colorado. I pray I can find a place throughout the winter. I am homeless. Yes, maybe by choice – kind of. I couldn’t afford rent. I was bailed out a couple of times, but after graduation – and without the financial aid assistance – I couldn’t do it. I had work lined up, but I noticed the suicidal depression of my addiction and I had to leave. I’m sure the Winter of 2014 would have taken my life if I stayed stagnant. I left. I decided to jump and follow my new visions. It’s terrifying and quite lonely. I am the Ronin. With the loss of close friends (and non-friends) over the year, I now see it as a new opportunity to gather the pieces that shattered and find peace within myself. I have decided to internalize again. I have made the choice to keep the matters of my heart to myself. It was by choice I walked away without a fight. It was a hard decision to make, but my vision will stay mine. Sharing the insight, lessons learned, and new ambitions developed will be easy, but to give my secrets away and share my passion with others will probably not happen for a while. Details don’t matter right now. All that matters is that I am reconstructing my thoughts, aspiration, and faith because my focus has changed. As I said, my vision has changed; I have changed.

Change is inevitable …

It isn’t change that we fear because everything is forever changing. Nothing is ever the same after time passes – not even time itself can stay the same. The thing people fear about change is the unknown. The unknown is scary. The unknown is a terrifying place to live. I’ve noticed that the strong, silent voice that was once in my reality but now only in my subconscious, has become my saving grace. Focusing on picking up the pieces that shattered throughout my cavern’s floor is what is keeping me from fearing the unknown and completely freaking out about my situation. I am not thinking about the unknown. I am thinking about how my puzzle has expanded. It still isn’t complete, of course, but there’s an entirely new scene painted on the canvas of my life’s work. Why fear something that is out of my control? Why worry about what can’t be changed? Why fear change? Instead of focusing on the unknown, focus on what is. If the life that is doesn’t make you smile in some way, change it! Don’t fear it, just change it. People will become distant. People will disappear. People may or may not support you. People will call you names, tell you how wrong you are, and even try to give you false promises. I’ve learned it’s because they don’t understand. I’ve learned it’s because the fear people associate with change isn’t really change, but fear of not trusting themselves to jump and follow their own dreams. I’ve learned it’s because I am a pain in the ass and when I have my sights set on something I’m passionate about, I’m nearly unstoppable. I’ll get knocked around. I’ll cry. I’ll get angry and try to force things I feel to be true. I have lost. But in the end of it all, I have won more than I lost. It was because I don’t fear the unknown. I trusted my faith that grew during my detox and travel to Haiti. That’s why I’m able to follow my dreams and reconstruct my thoughts. It was because of those amazing experiences and supportive voices that allowed me to see a different vision for myself.

I’ve changed my mind … therefore, I have changed my life
I’m on the pursuit of happiness
Change is my happiness
What’s your happiness?

HUMAN RIGHTS: A fight worth fighting for

Let’s get one thing straight. This message comes from a place that, I have faith, many people can – and do – comprehend. It comes from that place deep down inside of us. When we have internal dialog with ourselves – you know – our thought process. That’s where this is coming from. Except, it’s not that shallow … I’m going to take it deeper – way deeper – because this specific message is a collective of many things. This message isn’t just from my personal thought process. It’s from yours, too.

Society is fucked up! We can all agree with this, right? We can agree that while some of us are enjoying a hot meal, with no thought of where it came from or how lucky we are to eat it, others are having a hard time finding enough food to nourish their bodies. As some of us are buying new electronics and disposing of old electronics as if it’s no big deal, others are having to recycle those electronics in ways that are harmful to us, and the entire atmosphere. As some of us are running our heaters to keep warm, others are suffering with sleeping outside. As some of us are resting in the comfort of our own homes, with our families, others are walking the streets and fighting against a cause.

My point is that human perspectives are unique. We all experience life differently and we all have a story. We’re all entitled to our opinions, our desires, and our passions. Every single one of us has the individual right to do whatever we decide to do. It’s always a decision. Every one of us can – and should – follow our dreams. Does it seem weird to others? So what?! Are you afraid of rejection?! Get over it! Is there an overwhelming feeling of confusion or direction?! Ignore that and just take a step! The journey is unknown, but we’ll never figure out what life is about if we don’t take that step.

From recent discussions I have had with a multitude of people, it seems that many are living life in fear. Life for them is scary. I’ve talked to young ladies (of all ethnicities) who are scared to speak their mind because they feel society doesn’t want to listen to them. I’ve heard the concerns of young black men who are terrified to be involved in a traffic violation because they fear they will be violated, disrespected, wrongly accused , and killed by the cops. I listened to the confessions of older white women who are scared for their own lives because they’re lost in the FoxNewsWorld and believe the TVLies. I have read countless blogs and underground freedom writing that focuses on the fight against this fear. I have encountered people who, regardless of their cultural backgrounds, respect and understand how important it is to work together – now, more than ever.

And … This is where my message comes in! …

We need to stop fighting against each other and start working on strengthening our connection as a People. I have a perspective that will help you. You have knowledge that I need. Why can’t we share with each other? Why does it have to be awkward? What are you afraid of? How long do we have to wait to get to know each other before we can discuss our passions for life? Is it really a bad thing when I cry? Why haven’t you cried? Oh, can we cry together? Are you capable of that? How about a hug that lasted more than three seconds? Do you know what that feels like?

Yes! I ask these questions directly to you – the reader! Answer them! – Shit! Comment on this blog and answer them. Let’s have a conversation about this. Can’t do it?! Why not?! What’s stopping you from expressing your thoughts, passions, fears, and concerns? What’s stopping you from sharing your desires, hopes, and dreams? The more we talk about it, the more we can create stronger connections by providing our knowledge to each other. Every time we share a story about anything, we plant a seed in the mind of the listener. Every time we vocalize our thoughts, we go through a different thought process, which allows us to strengthen our original thoughts.

If you try to tell me that you don’t want this; you’re a liar! I don’t believe you! There’s no fucking way I feel this passionate about it and it’s only me who’s feeling it. I’ll be damned if I believe there are only a few, small groups who think like this. I refuse to believe our thoughts aren’t increasing in activities in our daily lives. Have you noticed it?

Really, I’m not joking. Ask yourself … Have my thoughts gotten more extreme or excessive in the last couple of years … Have I experienced something that caused me to change my belief structure, which probably in turn, changed or rushed my thought process – and maybe even actions? Has any of that happened to you yet? If you said yes, welcome to the enlightened stage!

This is only part of the journey, too. It’s all part of the process. Some sentient beings are connecting with others without even knowing it. The messages are there all the time. Only those who are listening receive them. Are you paying attention? Do you hear that inner voice of yours? Do you listen to it? Do you follow the advice it gives you? If not, I suggest you do. That voice, the basic dialog we have with ourselves, is essential to a happy life. Do you ever get a twinge in your inner core that guides you somewhere? That’s the same power as the voices.

Let me clarify something, too. Don’t you dare judge me for saying I listen to the voices in my head. They’re there for a reason. They’re there to guide me. They’re there to teach me. What is your inner voice teaching you? Before you try to tell me that I’m crazy because I admit to having a full conversation with my inner voice, why not listen to your own inner voice and find your own truth. I have found my truth. I have found who I am. I know my calling in life. Can you say the same about yourself? I sure hope you can!

Again, let me clarify. I am not coming from a place of judgment or a place that signifies that I’m better than anyone else. That just ain’t me – never has been! I’m coming from a place of struggle, fear, fights, understanding, compassion, and personal growth. You can go back to some of my previous blogs and learn where I’m coming from. I’ve shared my story. I’ve accepted my story. I love my story.

The messages: I am fighting the fight for a better tomorrow. I am fighting the fight for internal dialog, outside influences, and social titles that don’t mean anything. Yes, I am struggling in life. However, I am honest, real, vocal, passionate, powerful, strong, and ready to continue struggling because it’s who I am supposed to be. You don’t have to understand me on the level to which I understand myself. I don’t need to understand you on that level either. But, the one thing I do believe will make our experience stronger is by sharing life together. I’ve learned that I cannot do things by myself; I’ve tried; it doesn’t work.

I’m officially asking if you have tapped into your own internal dialog on the level that allowed you to understand your own fears, passions, and desires. I’m asking if you’re willing to share my journey. I’m asking if you’d join me, please! I need you!

Finding inspiration, encouragment and motivation from Women who have changed their worlds

As tears flow down my face, I’m thinking about all the women before me who made a difference in the world. I’m thinking about women like Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman, Eleanor Roosevelt, Maya Angelou and Malala Yousafzai. I’m thinking they are my strength to further my dreams and become the woman I’m meant to be – the woman I dream to be – the woman I know I can be – the woman who will look back at this blog post and say, “yeah, that’s me!”

It’s important to find people who inspire us. I’m a social activist (to stick a title to it) so the people I look up to are people who have changed their world in social manners. The women I idolize are women who have shown courage, passion, love and understanding for their fellow human beings. That’s something I’m capable of doing, too. I do if often. I enjoy doing it. I do it well! That’s why I look up to those women. When I first learned about each of these women – all at different times in my life, of course – I learned that their message was still ringing clear. Even though some of them have passed from this realm of living, their message is still living on.

The words of those who died are stronger now than when they spoke them because it shows that things really haven’t changed. Over the years, after their bodies have died, their words live on. That’s what keeps them alive, I think. They’re very much alive today as they were years ago. That’s amazing! I believe, now, that we need to remember the strength of our ancestors if we are to accomplish our dreams.

So, go find someone to look up to. Find someone who inspires you. Find a cause to live for. It doesn’t matter what it is. If what inspires you is science, art, music, activism, or even extreme wrestling, go for it! Find someone within the topic to which sparks an interest and follow your passions! It’s the only thing that will keep us moving toward our goal of living a pure and happy life. Learning about people who are similar to us and learning about their struggles and accomplishment gives us a sense of connectedness that cannot be broken. It gives us hope. It gives us motivation. It gives us strength and understanding.

Here are a few quotes from the women I idolize!

“I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.” ~Rosa Parks

“Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.” ~Harriet Tubman 

“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt 

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~Maya Angelou 

“I raise up my voice-not so I can shout but so that those without a voice can be heard…we cannot succeed when half of us are held back.” ~Malala Yousafzai

Good luck finding your inspiration and dreams! I believe you can do it. All of these women believed in you too! Happy journey!

Go for it

As I rest from a busy day sewing my new patch-work skirt I’m making from five other random skirts I had that I loved but couldn’t wear them because they were torn and stained, I’m thinking about my past present and future. I’m thinking about how the past is something that’s happened and there is nothing we can do about any of it, so we should accept it, right? I’m thinking that all the things from my past brought me to this exact moment in my life and I can honestly say that I have accepted my past. I’m thinking since I have finally accepted my past and I’m blessed in the present, what exactly will my future bare? What’s next? I’ve learned to love myself and others, even if I never get an apology. I’ve learned how to love my neighbor. I have learned how to plant a tree and upkeep a decent garden. I’ve experienced loss of a loved one. I know the pain of betrayal and heartache. But none of it affects me anymore. They’re just things that have happened. Good and bad. It’s all me. I’m very happy with me, so I must be okey with my past. It’s strange, really. I am still trying to understand it myself. Even though I’m hurting, have been hurt and will get hurt again, I’m looking forward to it. Right now, I’m still mourning and shedding some hurt, so I’m still working through this particular pain release, but I’m still grateful, hopeful and I’m still excited about my future. I have set some things in motion that will most likely be things that will last long term in my life. I’m talking 10 year goals have been set into motion this year! Five year goals have been established, researched and brainstormed. Action will come soon. I am doing exactly what I did when I had my nervousness breakdown in 2006/2007 … That’s five/six years ago… I’ve accomplished most of the dreams I set forth then. I have to make new goals and dream new dreams! That’s what I’ve been doing. And I am so excited about my future. I am so excited to see how the next 5 months will mold me into the woman I will be in 10 years. DUDE! That’s insane, right?!? My first test is this weekend. No! No! No! My first test was a couple of months ago when I was with a wonderful man. I succeeded at that test. This weekend marks the second test. If I succeed at the level I did on my first test. There will be no stopping me! I am so excited I could hardly contain myself. But I still have a couple of days that I need to pay attention to. I have to be in the moment … Not the future! I need to remind myself that it doesn’t matter how excited I am about my next test, I need to have conversations and events with a couple of people without my excited getting in the way! BE IN THE MOMENT!

So, the point of this blog is to encourage you, the reader, to go for your dream! Set goals and do all you can to accomplish those goals. It really does make you feel good about life. Just go for it! Take a leap. It doesn’t matter how big or how small it is, but move forward. Ask yourself if you’re happy nothing has changed for the last three years. Are you the same, habit forming, person you were three years ago? If you are, you have grown very much as a person. Go for it! What’s stopping you? Really … What’s really stopping you? All I’m saying is go out and accomplish something. Accomplishments make us feel better because we’ve worked and succeeded. It’s really empowering, really. Try it. Go for it. The important thing to remember is this … If you “fail” at your goal don’t you dare give up. Brush yourself off and try again. Figure out what got in the Wayne you accomplishing your gaol. When you figure that out, don’t let it stop you this time. I have faith you can do it. Whatever it is!

Set a goal
Research said goal
Act on goal
Reap benefits

*blessed be*