It’s time for … a quickie, of course

Sexual passions

Do you know it? Do you know that release of pure enjoyment and ecstasy? I only ask because that’s what I thrive on – well, that’s what I used to thrive on, at least.

For many years I focused on that passionate release, and now it’s taken me to a road of writing and encouragement. I always said, “I’ll never move back to the Bay Area,” And here I am planning my life to further my dream of living there again. Nothing is concrete, but I cannot explain to you how my memoirs have pushed me through into an entirely different – but oh so perfect – direction in life.

After graduation, I was pissed off with everything because the system is so corrupt. I didn’t want to be part of it. I still don’t. I’m talkin’ rEVOLution. I’m talkin’ commUNITY. I’m talkin’ pure light and love, y’all. Unconditional love, compassion, and the ability to talk through our struggles. I’m talkin’ prison outreach. I’m talkin’ motivational speaking. I’m talkin’ youth mentorship. I’m talkin’ LIVING THE DREAM!!! We all have a dream, right? I’m now working on accomplishing the goals and dreams I have set forth. And, by the looks of things, there’s a kingdom waiting for Us…

Dream big, please!

Take a step forward, please.

Forget about the fear, please!

I promise you … moving forward to accomplish a dream is the best thing in the world. I encourage all of you to start living your dreams because it’s about time we start living in a place of light and love … Many blessings, y’all!

More will come, of course. I just wanted to let y’all know that I haven’t gone anywhere. My book is in it’s last stages of edit and this Bay Area Harlot will tell her freaky tale … Much love!


This shit is raw

Look, I’ve seen some shit and I’ve done some shit that I’m not proud of. I’m writing my memoirs about when I was working on the streets. I am finally telling my truth about when I learned how to honor and respect my body.

The story I’m telling is raw. Someone called it porn. I don’t think it’s even close to porn though. It’s passionate, yes. It’s, of course, explained but not graphic. I’m proud of my writing. I’m so happy I am able to share this story. I feel it’s about time people know this about me. I feel it’s time I stop trying to hide it.

People say that for us to be happy, we have to do things that make us happy. Well, sex makes me happy. Now, I already tried the having sex all the time thing – it doesn’t work! That’s what I’m writing about now. However, I’m not telling a woes me story. I’m telling a story of a young woman who didn’t know anything about herself and was scared to experience anything true. She was working the streets, making good money, and falling in love with the wrong people. I was a very unhappy young woman. Well, through my sexual escapades, I learned a lot about myself. 

There came a time, however, I was terrified of that enjoyment. I blocked it out and became very closed off. Eventually, I met someone who brought that sexual desire back out of me. He handled business quite well. Since then I have struggled with finding a balance between my addiction to sex, the need for contact, and empathic abilities that caused confusion.

I’ve finally found it

I haven’t quite figured out fully how to work it to it’s full potential, but I’m working on it.

The reason I share this story is because I want to let y’all know that I believe in you. I believe that whatever it is you’re going through, I feel you can overcome the hardships and learn to love them instead of fight them. Giving into my desires for sexual release has allowed me to write my memoirs in a way that has changed my life.

I want to encourage you to tap into those passionate things in your life that make you feel positive powers. Recognize them and acknowledge their involvement in your daily life. Try to practice a new routine so you can intertwine them into your daily life. When you have things you love in your life, you’ll enjoy life more often. And, really, isn’t that what we’re supposed to be doing … enjoying life! So, go … ENJOY IT!

Now, I’m not encouraging that drug addicts go use or anything like that. My point is that I am working on focusing my addict energy into more productive things. I’m using the energy to write, exercise, and interact with people on a more intimate level. I have faith that you can do it too. I have faith that you can find whatever it is that makes you happy and run with it. I believe you can tap into whatever it is that makes you feel something deep down in your soul.

Do you see that bright shinny ball somewhere deep down within you? It’s not a train, I promise! Focus on that light. Focus on the beauty and feel the intrigue. Live every day as if it’s the last day you live. That’s such an over said phrase, but it’s true. The only moment that truly matters is right now. The moment you’re in while you’re reading this. Stop worry about what happened 1- minutes ago or what might happen in 10 minutes. It doesn’t matter. Look at where you’re at. What are you doing? What do you hear? What do you see, feel and smell? That’s your moment. Find at least two blessings within this moment and try to do it again in an hour.

Preparing. Releasing. Growing.

The last few days have consisted of me being an inspirational vessel and my spirit experienced some major high points. Well, yesterday I did a lot of receiving and giving back. There were many highly emotional conversations with my extended family and I played mediator and counselor to many of the family members. I played a great roll as Aunty Jo Jo and friend! I was so honored of that roll. However, I was real tired by the time I finished my day – around midnight. I knew I had to release and let go of all the energy I was given. I had to release the heartache, tears and sorrow of all the people I interacted with. None of it was mine to hold onto and I had to let it all go. I decided to cleanse my external shell, and it made me realize some big things about my detox, and life in general.

After my friend left, I took a hot shower and shaved everything. Before I actually got into the shower, I trimmed my pubic hair. I mindfully shaved my armpits and my legs in the shower. As I was shaving and showering, I vocalized my intention of letting go. As I watched the hair disappear from my body, I said goodbye to it. I have never done that before. But, seriously, if you think about it, we, as women, should be more mindful when we shave. The hair we’re shaving is part of our bodies; it’s part of us. In America, it is not socially acceptable for women to have hairy legs or armpits. Even facial hair on women is socially awkward. But why? Who’s idea was it to teach women that hair was unattractive or unsightly?. This annoying chore has been part of the female norm for a very long time. It needs to change!

Society has deemed female hair as something nasty or unattractive and I think it needs to change. Not on the world scale, but individual scale. Women need to start shaving because they want to, not because society tells them to. I don’t shave on a regular basis. I shave my armpits more often then my legs because I wear tank tops a lot. But, seriously, the only reason I shave is because that’s what I was taught. In the tabloids, celebrities are made fun of if they are caught with hairy armpits on the red carpet. That’s ridiculous! Who gives a fuck!

Well anyways à The entire point of that rant was to state my case that women need to become one with their hair. I enjoyed reading this blog. It shows an individual case of a woman who started shaving and how much she disliked shaving her legs. It’s interesting to get other perspectives. Here’s another real motivating website/movement that I found. I’m seriously blown away by how many women don’t shave. I have many friends in school who don’t shave – at all! I think it’s beautiful!

So, with all this said, I’ve decided that I am going to allow my hair to grow from this point onward. I’m not sure how long I can go, but I’m going to just let it grow. I’m going to touch it and enjoy it. I will most likely keep my pubic hair trimmed since I’ll be bleeding a lot, but for the most part, I won’t shave. I also don’t know if I’ll shave before I go to Haiti in December, but we’ll see. All I know is that last night I had a revolution. I had a huge break through. My hair is part of me. My hair, all of it in all the places, is a signifier that I am human. I am a woman!

Right now, I am feeling my legs. Yes! They’re smooth, sexy and they feel good, but it’s not natural. I want to go “all natural.” Here’s another blog I think is worth sharing. I think it’s time women stop shaving because society tells them to. I understand the hair is annoying and itchy, but that goes away after awhile. The body adjusts. We, as women, just need to continue telling ourselves that we don’t have to live by social norms. Who gives a shit if we have hair on our legs? So what if I lift my arm up and someone sees hair. We’re mammals! We’re supposed to have hair! Stop telling me I have to continue shaving. Stop telling me that I’m supposed to be clean shaven. I’d be damned if someone said “ew” when they saw my hairy armpits. Fine, you don’t like it – don’t look! You think it’s nasty? Fine! But don’t tell me I have to do something that removes a part of my external being. Stop telling me that a woman with hairy pits or legs isn’t acceptable!

Okay, I’m done with that rant! Let’s move on to the next process of my release last night! After my shower and shave, I walked through my house naked. I did a little dance in my living room. It was about 1:00 in the morning by this time and it was completely dark inside. The windows and drapes were open. It was so empowering. I slid across the living room floor and sang a random song about me being naked in my living room. I even stood at the kitchen sink and leaned against the counter, looking outside. It was amazing! After that, I did a tarot reading. I sat naked on my bed and pulled out my faerie deck. My cat, the faeries and I played very nicely together. I was given so much insight and wisdom from three cards. I couldn’t believe it. It was amazing! I did a simple past, present and future spread. It was funny because Cleo, my cat, helped me picked the first and third cards. She seriously jumped on my bed and pulled out the first card (The Questions). I picked the second card (The Elvin Knight) and by the time I was ready to pick the third one, Cleo attacked my finger, which made it hook a card (The Queen of the Day). I was so pleased with everything that I wrote in my journal for about an hour. It was about 2:00 in the morning.

While I was picking cards (or got help picking the cards), I focused on my cleanse. I focused on what caused me to do this. I focused on what I was doing now. I focused on what’s to come and how will I be after the process. After I went through the cards and faerie wisdom, I lathered myself with lotion. Since I was freshly shaved and I air dried (no towels needed), I wanted to touch myself. I put on some flute medication music and touched every inch of my body – except the middle section of my back, unfortunately. I started with my left foot and moved my way up my body and back down to my right foot. I lathered lotion into my dreads, around my lower lips and even my ass (SEE HEMORRHOID BLOG). I seriously touched every part of my body I could touch. It wasn’t sexual, it was intimate. I was intimate with myself. I found this article to be right on track with how I felt last night. I was intimate with myself and it was so empowering. I think more women would find a new appreciation for their bodies if they did this more often. I’m not saying every day, but maybe three times a year. This was the second time I’ve ever done this and I will do it more often. I think I will tie it into each equinox. That makes sense to me =)

So, where am I? I’ve showered, shaved, did tarot and got intimate with myself. In the process of touching myself, I was focusing on my body, of course. I was focusing on my cleanse too. I’ve been doing the parsley tea diet (SEE BLOG) for two weeks and nothing has happened. I’ve been cramping, but I haven’t bled. I’ve ordered the Black and Blue Cohosh and I will start that next week. I am guaranteed I will bleed after taking the Cohosh. Well, I was thinking about my uterus when I was lathering lotion onto myself. I spent a lot of time on my pubic mound and lower abdomen. I vocally asked my female ancestors to help me through the process. I realized I have about 20 years of build up in my uterus. That’s crazy, huh! I started my period at 13 and I’m 33 now. I have had about 24 periods within that time. That’s not healthy. Please visit my why I’m doing this page. Let’s do the math real quick so you can have an understanding of what this really means.

There are 12 months in a year
Women are supposed to bleed once a month
That’s 12 periods in a year
12 periods in the span of 20 years is what?!?!
It’s 240!

So, a woman who bleeds regularly will have approximately 240 periods in the span of 20 years. I’ve only had about two dozen. The cleanse I will do with my uterus will shed 20 years of blood that’s been collecting over time. The tests I took indicated that my brain is talking to my ovaries and I’m ovulating, but I’m just not bleeding. Scary huh?! Yeah, it’s scary! If I would continue not doing anything about it, I would most likely have cancer in 10 years. I have very little flow space within my uterus for blood to exit, so it’s just collecting. I don’t even want to think about how heavy my periods are going to be with the Cohosh tincture, but it needs to happen. I have to do it!

Let’s get back to my releasing practice last night. While I was asking my female ancestors for help, I specifically asked them to help with the cramps and pain. The few times I have had my period, I’ve never experienced cramping. There was one time I had bad cramps while bleeding, but I think it was a miscarriage. I don’t know for sure though. I want to know what women go through when they’re experiencing their periods. I feel I am going to experience it ten-fold and I welcome it. It’s going to suck, and be painful, but I feel I need to experience the cramping to fully appreciate my female parts. To be honest, I’ll be real surprised, and disappointed, if I don’t get cramps. But seriously, 20 years of build up … There’s going to be cramping! The ritual I did last night was a way for me to honor my ancestors. And I’m not just talking about my immediate blood line, I’m talking about all females before me. I called out to all the fertile and infertile goddesses before me. I felt their presence last night too.

I sat in front of my large, full body mirror while I sat at the foot of my bed. It was dark, of course, and the lights were off, but I was able to see myself from the lights outside. It was just enough light for me to see my body and watch as my hands glide over my naked body. I swear I felt other hands touching me. I felt the energy of female fertility in my room. I knew I was not alone. I connected with my ancestors on a level I have never experienced before. I touched upon a touchy, personal subject that I never thought I was capable of doing. It was amazing! After I was done talking to my ancestors, I put on a robe and went outback.

Real quick, my backyard has become my personal oasis and sanctuary. Here’s an article that suits my definition of a garden sanctuary. I have lived here for three years (almost exactly to the day) and I have done so many amazing things to this place. I live in a trailer park, so I own the home, but I rent the space. I am fully responsible for the space I rent, and I am given full freedom to do whatever I want as long as I am not interfering with pipes or my neighbors. I have built a fence, I have an underground fire pit, and, what some people might consider, a “cluttered,” garden. I have multiple sections throughout the backyard that have clusters of plants. They’re overgrown, but beautiful. I don’t like cookie-cutter style gardening. I encourage the freedom of plants to do whatever they wish to do. I have, over the last year or so, made paths throughout the backyard. Little by little, it’s becoming more and more like an oasis than a back yard. It’s great! So, when I was done talking to my ancestors and reintroducing myself to my external shell, I went out back.

By this time, it was nearly 3 a.m. When I was completely down the stairs and out of sight from the main street, I took off my robe and danced out back. I was completely nude. I was swirling around in circles with my arms up and my head back to face the stars. I saw three shooting stars. An owl visited me and, I believe, a bat too. I walked into a couple of spider webs. I played with ladybug larva. I was dancing for about ten minutes before I decided to masturbate. I just didn’t feel enough energy was released from my shower, shave, tarot reading, personal intimacy and dancing. I needed more. Originally, I thought about going to bed and masturbating, but I asked myself why. Why do I need to go back in the house? Nobody was around. The neighbors were sleeping. Nobody was watching me. So, I masturbated in the backyard. I threw down a blanket and watched as the clouds overhead floated by. I touched myself and encouraged an explosion of an orgasm. As a woman, if you don’t know what an explosion of an orgasm feels like, I highly HIGHLY suggest you figure it out. I love this article. It touches upon so many important things that many women don’t think of or talk about. Why not?! Even though I was alone, it didn’t make it any different than if I was with someone. Experiencing an orgasm is a spiritual experience, for me, no matter who I’m with. I suggest more women educate themselves about their own bodies and touch your own external shell. It’s so amazing!

Well, I’m making an educated guess that the people who read my blog are people who are mindful and respectful to the spirit and faerie realms. I’ve said from the beginning that I will tie in my spiritual practices with this effort to cleanse my body. I am not one to tell someone how to do something, but I will suggest things, until the day I die, that people need to find their own way of doing something that benefits their lives. This is one of those moments. I encourage every woman who is reading this blog to take a moment, by yourself, and introduce yourself to your own body. I encourage women to touch themselves. I encourage women to know every piece of hair on their body. I encourage women to love themselves, unconditionally; because once we, as women, learn to love ourselves, we are capable of loving others. Isn’t that what life should be about? Love?! As The Beatles said, “All you need is love!”

We are women. We are warriors of childbirth. We are powerful goddesses who have the ability to change the world. Let’s start by loving ourselves so we can combined our forces and bring new, loving light into the world.

Blessed Be my readers